One of the reasons as to why we hold ourselves back and do not work towards our goals are limiting beliefs.
I know that I certainly had my fair share of these negative beliefs about myself to overcome…and it is no overnight process.
Life experiences can cause us to have negative outlooks on ourselves but the worse is when people closest to us fill our heads with talk that we are not good enough.
Along my own journey, I had people in my family saying to me that I was fickle growing up because I wanted to try new things and have new experiences –but how else was I supposed to know what I liked to do and discover my passion? They discouraged me and made me feel as though there was something wrong with me, I was abnormal.
It even affected my relationships. I remember a close female relative convincing me that the studious boy I had a crush on as a teenager would never go for a ‘girl like me’. That certainly had an effect on my self-esteem as an adolescent among my peers.
Growing up, I was always made to feel inadequate and this caused me to have social anxiety with a need to withdraw and be by myself.
I had my own aspirations, things that I wanted to do and experience in my life, but the voices in my head of those negative Nancys kept on repeating that I would never be those things that I wanted to be.
I have learnt that there are people who will try to impose their beliefs on you, especially if it will prevent you from reaching somewhere that they perceive will put you at a better place than where they are in life. They work to keep you at their level or below to make themselves feel better about their own struggles.
This is where we have to work on ourselves and really shake off these limiting beliefs that are not ours but were essentially planted there by others willing us to be kept back (whether they knew it or not).
How are we supposed to change it?
Here I would like to share the steps that I took to start changing the beliefs that I held about myself that were interfering with me making any major strides in a positive direction in my life.
- The first step was to dig deep within and seek out the beliefs about myself that were holding me back. What was it that I really wanted to do with my life and just couldn’t seem to take the next step in fulfilling that dream?
- Next, I had to recall the people in my past (and some in my present) that were implanting the negative beliefs in my head. In hindsight, I was also able to identify reasons as to why they did it.
- I had to recognise that I can do anything I set my mind to. The negative beliefs were not real.
- I decided what it is I wanted to do and wrote out a realistic plan of action to achieve my objective. Every day I aim to do at least one thing that brings me closer to my goals.
- I had to find mentors and role models who have accomplished what I want to achieve and emulate the steps that they took to get to where they are. I also ensure that I read or research about the tough times and tribulations that they went through as well. This helps to keep me motivated when things seem rough or I feel like giving up.
- I affirm to myself every day that I already am the person that I aspire to be.
As I mentioned before, this is not a walk in the park to try to undo years of negative conditioning but recognising it the first step towards healing from it. Working on ourselves will only benefit us and those around us that we care about.
